“…the only way not to die is to be immortal…”

My thoughts. Nothing else. 

Janet and Natalia. I bet you have no idea who these two ladies are. Janet Flanner and Natalia Danesi Murray, two intelligent ladies, Janet writer for The New Yorker and Natalia among great many things she was the voice of NBC radio, also nicknamed Tokyo Rosa.

While doing some research on what to read based on some names mentioned in the Sarah Waters book called Fingersmith, I had the pleasure in finding this book. First I wasn’t sure what it was about, more so I had no idea it involved lesbians. For almost a month I have been puzzled by some issues, which are happening in my life, and this book just happened to be perfect. The book is called Janet, My Mother and me by William Murray. Great writing, more so the writing of Janet captivated me with a passion. Can not wait to read Darlinghissima.

Life is not easy, what is worse we make it harder. What has been on my mind was (and this only from my side of course) and many other things lately I have been struggling with, but this one is the following. If two people love each-other, have chemistry, knowing each-others situation with their family and surroundings, why not try to enjoy each minute, hour that they can spend together with the freedom of love, without fear? Why is it that two people who love, can not talk free, without a hesitation, that if I open myself to you, they will not love you? More so, you look at it as a mind game? Why complicate things? Why add to this hard life, think that maybe one is not grounded, not fed by reality. I know it may seem without any sense to you, and I could be wrong, but these are my thoughts, just giving voice through words here. It is neither negative nor positive, just thinking out loud.

Reading this book, granted their lives, their love story happened in a different time, time of war, time of literally revolution etc, these two women loved each-other, fell in love, passion physically and emotionally, mentally, smart, at some point even threatened by the fact that they might die, due to Nazi invasions in Rome and in Paris. Why? Why? Why? Why make it impossible for them-selves to stay together? What I am trying to say, is why do people only see one solution to issues? Why are people afraid to believe in one another? How far do you go in putting everything and everyone else ahead of you?

I myself have been asking this of myself for years. Finally, almost at the end of Janet’s life, 2-3 yrs, did they manage to be together. During their relationship, have managed to see each other once or twice a year, which proved to be not enough, in Natalia’s letters.

Bill, Natalia’s son, also thought at some point, if their careers were worth it? Was it worth the emotional pain they went through? The void they felt separated.

I don’t know, I mean in their letters they even mentioned how they disliked the touch even of a hand of someone other…argh…they were in love for decades!!! Was it worth it?

I ask anyone out there, have you ever been in a situation where you BOTH loved each-other, but you just let other factors in your life rule you? I am sure you all did, I am not unreal. Was it worth it though? Giving it up? Career, family, money etc…Did us as humans lost the belief, that 2 people will and can handle things better one? When did we start to make decisions, based on what we think it is better for the other person? When did we start being afraid to talk to our loved one about ANYTHING? When? Why?

This book has been, to me personally an amazingly written book. I started reading Darlinghissima. It is a collection of their letters, written by Natalia after Janet’s death, with the fear that her grandchildren might think of her wrong if they found out her love for Janet. Which sort of made me smile, because the same woman who was afraid of the grandchildren opinions, was once not afraid from Mussolini, or Romel, even after her life was in danger, due to speaking her mind on the radio. 

“the pursuit of happiness,” in the Constitution, it has/is interpreted as if happiness could indeed be pursued. When this proves not to be true, certain people even brake into small pieces.

Happiness is a kind of maturity reached through suffering and experience, not a gift due to us, only because the constitution promised by GOD. The Catholic Church promises happiness not here on Earth, they say you will get compensated in Heaven, for your sufferings here on earth. Church, Family Planning groups etc, are against the vaccine HPV, their reasoning is that encourages teens to engage in more sexual activities.

HPV shot does not encourage promiscuity, lack of parents talking to their kids, lack of knowledge that every act even with the intention of innocence can be deadly.  Teach kids. Open their eyes, one thing I am proud of is talking to Jean openly about any thing, making sure he could ask me anything without fear. It is not about teaching them NOT to not have sex, if they want to they will, we all know it, we done it. If you do have sex, do it safe and smart.

The church and all these organizations, that are against condoms, vaccine, abortion etc, to come to us and tell us that you getting sick, or pregnant is GOD punishing you for your actions, well I am telling you it is all of our faults for not teaching the kids.

I do respect people’s religious beliefs, but how far can you take this? 

When you buy a happy Meal at McDonalds for example and it comes with a toy, or anything Made in China, please think of a mother who lost 3 of her 5 kids, ripped out of her arms and beheaded, chopped up and thrown into wells. Why? Only because she was born in a different tribe. The Chinese government funds and supports the Sudanese government fully, in their quest of genocide. Over 2 million people have died in Rwanda and Sudan, UN peace keepers are not allowed in Sudan. What does the Bush administration do about this? I mean we go everywhere else. We send our troops everywhere, where it is beneficial to us. By not entering and supporting UN’s fight to go and protect the people, we support China’s foreign gov.  policies, where China needs Sudan’s oil, badly. We need cheap merchandise from China, so who cares about the poor people dying there.

What is wrong with people in power? What is wrong with us? Why can’t we slowly make a stand?

Is George w. Bush and Dick really mentally challenged? Do they live in their own bubble? Did we get to a point where we are soo wrapped up in our troubles, that we are loosing our own humanity? 

Our lives are so precious and short, why not try to love a little and let be loved. 

With these thoughts I shall go and burry one of my Guinea pigs, Buddy Sue and pick up poop. 

If you read this thank you and hope you will come back.

tags: politics  love  lesbains  life  hurt  janet  flanner  natalia  murray  bush  church  

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